I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize