Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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