Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize