Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
