you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Randomize
