I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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