I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
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We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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