I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
