Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I will pee on everything he values.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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