yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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