I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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