shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
