Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
