doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
