Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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