You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm at about main and main street
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
