Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
