hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
