So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
