dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
