She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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