the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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