Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
