So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
