i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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