what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
