I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
