then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
