Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
