I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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