Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
