are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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