Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
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