I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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