I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Randomize
