dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
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He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
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She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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