why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
