East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
