Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
