She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
