So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
my sisters under your porch take her home
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Just puked most of my soul out..
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