you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
jump out the window naked night went bad
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
