You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
