then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
