We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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