the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
