That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
