Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
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def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
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Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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