Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
