What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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