who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
