Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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