Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
fuck your aforementioned shoe
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Randomize
