Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
