do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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