I need help removing her.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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