It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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