I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
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