Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
