let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
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Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
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Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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