woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
