If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
how does that bad decision feel?
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