im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
