He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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