i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
